Its been a while. I had a think at how the months have slipped past and I think it is a variety of things. Firstly: times have been busy, there has been lots to do workwise. Also the year has been difficult in so many ways. The pandemic aside, not that it can be brushed aside, the weather has been weird this year. A long cold dry April and then a very rainy May leading into a very dry summer. Not always a hot sunny summer, but with very little actual rain.
I looked back to when my last letter was and it was in February, this made me feel guilty, it is time we caught up, it is time I caught up. I feel like I have been two steps behind all year and this is not getting any better. I know I need to press the reset button but looking for when I can get that downtime is not easy however it will happen as I have to make it happen.
When I started to write this letter to you it was a glorious sunny September morning. You know that sort of morning, there is a little damp chill spritzing the air early on that after a while you suddenly realise has warmed away. I stood at the kitchen window looking out on the ivy covered Rowan tree that always makes me feel conflicted. I can see the wasps buzzing around the ivy flowers and whilst I dislike wasps intensely (sorry wasps, but I am unreasonably scared of you); I also love that there is this food source for insects and pollinators. This said, I have a serious ivy problem; I need to reduce the amount that there is. This tree is swamped and despite previous attempts to clear it, it is overwhelmed yet again. I look at the tree and I feel overwhelmed too.
I wander outdoors and stand by the veg garden and my feelings of being overwhelmed are reinforced. It it a weedy mess despite me starting out well with it this year. I have had vegetable growing success this year it has not felt like a successful year. I look out over the slug-chewed cabbage and cauliflower plants and sigh, I wonder why I bother and I wonder if I should just give up with it in its current form. I plan in my head a new garden in this area, I think through how it could look but inertia has taken a hold and nothing is happening.
Dear, dear garden, I want to give you reasons for this but I have none that I can vocalise easily. I keep planning in my head what I will do to restore the balance and I know I was doing this last year as well. Last year's plans were stalled when I broke my ankle, meaning that none of my usual autumn clear up could happen. Maybe this is overshadowing my plans for this year as I feel the weight of being a year behind. I need to dust off last year's plans, review and refine them and start restoring you my dear garden to something like what we both want you to be and know you can be.
I know my soul is entwined with yours, I know that if you are looking and feeling balanced then I am feeling balanced too. There will be rebalancing - we both need this.
Yours with the greatest affection
Your loving gardener x